DRIVING ISSUES STUPIDITY TAX CHART
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TAXABLE OFFENSE
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TAX PERCENTAGE
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TIME PERIOD
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OTHER NOTES
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Driving an SUV that sees no off-road duty whatsoever. And driving on the gravel
road to your friend's lake cabin once a summer does not count.
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1% base plus an extra 1% for every 1000 pounds over 4000. 3% bonus tax, see notes
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Applicable for every year you own the SUV.
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Bonus tax applies if you have no pets, children, cargo to haul, or any real need to drive an SUV
other than to think you look cool and to see over the roofs of other motorists. Additional bonus
tax applied if you opt for an SUV w/o 4WD, thus negating ANY real advantage an SUV could ever have
over a standard passenger car.
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Piloting a motor vehicle as if you were lounging in your living room. This includes driving with
your wrist draped over the wheel at 12 o'clock, your seat back reclined behind the middle roof
pillar of your vehicle, and leaning into the middle of the vehicle.
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5% for each offense
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Applicable until you get a clue or get in an accident and kill yourself.
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If you want to pilot a motor vehicle to get from point A to point B, try to force your pea-brain to
comprehend the severity of an impact with another vehicle (or worse a pedestrian) because you were more
concerned with looking cool to your homies, rather than sitting upright and driving attentively.
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Not pulling over to a safe place on the road when a law officer stops your vehicle.
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2% for each offense
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Applicable for all incidents within one year.
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Since you are too stupid and inconsiderate to other motorists and have no concern for the officer's
safety who stopped you, you deserve the ticket he or she writes you as well as this tax. Your inability
to pull onto a side street and instead, stopping in a lane of traffic has caused undue brake wear, fuel
consumption, and possibly unnecessary accidents behind you as other motorists try to negotiate getting around
the police car and your vehicle. You should be beaten with a tackhammer at year's end also.
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Not using your turn signals for any situation requiring a signal by law.
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.01% for each offense
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Applicable for all incidents within one year.
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.01% may not sound like much, but with the glut of morons on the road who are too inconsiderate and otherwise occupied
in conversations on a cell phone, etc to signal, this will add up fast for them.
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Driving at night with your parking lights on to look cool.
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20%
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Applicable for all incidents within one year.
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Yep, 20% for each offense. You are the scourge of society. You feel that looking cool at night
supercedes any safety issues to fellow motorists. I hope that whoever you get in an accident with
sues your sorry ass for every dime you have, after the govt gets their stupidity tax money out of you.
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Placing obnoxious rear wings on the trunklid of your wannabe fast car.
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5% for each wing level
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Applicable for as long as you own the car with said wings attached.
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Maybe the govt can use the tax money from your questionable automotive taste to set up some kind of
whining therapy group so we can all recover from the horror of seeing your ugly vehicle. Notice, 5% for
every wing level. Those of you with multiple wings will really be hurt by this tax.
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This has been just a sampling of taxes that could be levied based on people's stupidity. I've only given
demonstrations on DRIVING so far. There are huge bastions of stupidity just waiting to have their pockets picked
by needy, government waste programs. How about infomercials, products with stupid ad slogans (such as the term frequently used
to lure people with low-IQ's into falling for some gimick, the term "cash money"), and any other form of advertising
that seeks to profit from the stupidity of the average man. Our bloated government could benefit from tax revenues from
people stupid enough to buy these products. After all, why should the rest of us who have a clue need to support the
government with our tax dollars? Why not let stupid people do all the work. After all, they're probably so stupid they
won't know the difference!