The Stupidity Tax

These days, it seems there is a tax on nearly every service and item you can purchase. So why not extend this one step further so that we can fill up the government coffers with more of our money by instituting a stupidity tax on driving related issues? Its very simple. If you do something that is so incredibly moronic, stupid, and just plain retarded, instead of getting a traffic ticket to fine you, the government will impose a tax on your yearly wages of X percent for Y number of years.

I have taken the liberty of coming up with a few examples as well as suggestions for tax percentage and the amount of time over which said tax should be levied. See the handy chart below.

Driving an SUV that sees no off-road duty whatsoever. And driving on the gravel road to your friend's lake cabin once a summer does not count. 1% base plus an extra 1% for every 1000 pounds over 4000. 3% bonus tax, see notes Applicable for every year you own the SUV. Bonus tax applies if you have no pets, children, cargo to haul, or any real need to drive an SUV other than to think you look cool and to see over the roofs of other motorists. Additional bonus tax applied if you opt for an SUV w/o 4WD, thus negating ANY real advantage an SUV could ever have over a standard passenger car.
Piloting a motor vehicle as if you were lounging in your living room. This includes driving with your wrist draped over the wheel at 12 o'clock, your seat back reclined behind the middle roof pillar of your vehicle, and leaning into the middle of the vehicle. 5% for each offense Applicable until you get a clue or get in an accident and kill yourself. If you want to pilot a motor vehicle to get from point A to point B, try to force your pea-brain to comprehend the severity of an impact with another vehicle (or worse a pedestrian) because you were more concerned with looking cool to your homies, rather than sitting upright and driving attentively.
Not pulling over to a safe place on the road when a law officer stops your vehicle. 2% for each offense Applicable for all incidents within one year. Since you are too stupid and inconsiderate to other motorists and have no concern for the officer's safety who stopped you, you deserve the ticket he or she writes you as well as this tax. Your inability to pull onto a side street and instead, stopping in a lane of traffic has caused undue brake wear, fuel consumption, and possibly unnecessary accidents behind you as other motorists try to negotiate getting around the police car and your vehicle. You should be beaten with a tackhammer at year's end also.
Not using your turn signals for any situation requiring a signal by law. .01% for each offense Applicable for all incidents within one year. .01% may not sound like much, but with the glut of morons on the road who are too inconsiderate and otherwise occupied in conversations on a cell phone, etc to signal, this will add up fast for them.
Driving at night with your parking lights on to look cool. 20% Applicable for all incidents within one year. Yep, 20% for each offense. You are the scourge of society. You feel that looking cool at night supercedes any safety issues to fellow motorists. I hope that whoever you get in an accident with sues your sorry ass for every dime you have, after the govt gets their stupidity tax money out of you.
Placing obnoxious rear wings on the trunklid of your wannabe fast car. 5% for each wing level Applicable for as long as you own the car with said wings attached. Maybe the govt can use the tax money from your questionable automotive taste to set up some kind of whining therapy group so we can all recover from the horror of seeing your ugly vehicle. Notice, 5% for every wing level. Those of you with multiple wings will really be hurt by this tax.

This has been just a sampling of taxes that could be levied based on people's stupidity. I've only given demonstrations on DRIVING so far. There are huge bastions of stupidity just waiting to have their pockets picked by needy, government waste programs. How about infomercials, products with stupid ad slogans (such as the term frequently used to lure people with low-IQ's into falling for some gimick, the term "cash money"), and any other form of advertising that seeks to profit from the stupidity of the average man. Our bloated government could benefit from tax revenues from people stupid enough to buy these products. After all, why should the rest of us who have a clue need to support the government with our tax dollars? Why not let stupid people do all the work. After all, they're probably so stupid they won't know the difference!